


The Night Is Yours Alone

by alittlebriton



Series: Shadowhunters Codas [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Coda, Coda for 2x08, Episode: s02e08 Love is a Devil, Established Relationship, First Time, Flirting, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Oral Sex, spoilers for 2x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 02:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9947375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebriton/pseuds/alittlebriton
Summary: Coda/ fix-it fic for Love is A Devil. Conversations in various stages of darkness.Alec pressed against him. "Hey," he whispered, before finding Magnus' mouth briefly. "Can we not... worry about stuff? Just for a while. And go back to worrying later?"“Is this the Alexander Lightwood way of asking me to fool around? By turning it into something to do in between worrying?”Magnus grinned at him as Alec pushed at his shoulder in protest, and then Alec shrugged.“Yeah, kinda.”





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the wonderful @OddieOdelia.
> 
> Magnus and Alec talk, Alec gets a closer look at Magnus' Warlock Mark and flirting and smut happens.

Alec paused before he opened the door to Magnus' loft, expecting it to be locked. Instead the door opened as usual with a welcoming rush of warmth as he crossed through the wards. At least that was something.  
  
He was quiet, not knowing if Magnus had gone to bed already, but to his surprise the loft was full of soft light and there was Magnus, stood by his bookcase and immersed in a book, a glass of something amber dangling elegantly from his other hand. He looked up as Alec came in.  
  
"Hello." Magnus sounded delighted to see him. "I wasn't expecting you this evening. I thought you'd be locked in some strategy meeting after the ceremony."  
  
Alec shook his head. "That can wait. I mean." He automatically corrected himself. "It can't, but Jace is handling it."  
  
His shoulders relaxed as he wrapped his arm around Magnus, wincing internally as he felt how soft Magnus’ shirt was under his rough hands.

"How are you?"  
  
Magnus leaned into him easily, nosing at Alec's cheek, his lips whispering across his skin. "Well, you know. I've had better days."  
  
"Mmm," Alec agreed, and breathed him in, the smell of cedar and smoke and citrus, ever present and familiar.

He said the first thing that came into his head. "So, did you enjoy our first party as a couple then?"   
  
Magnus froze then burst into laughter that went on for a little too long until he rested his forehead on Alec's shoulder, the ragged edge of it showing the strain of the past day and a half.  
  
"Sorry. You just surprised me." Magnus stepped back and went to raise his hand to swipe at his eyes, his shoulders more relaxed.  
  
"Wait, hang on."  
  
Alec took the glass from his hand and contemplated its contents as Magnus muttered a thanks and corrected his eyeliner with free fingers.  
  
He stopped when Alec necked the entire drink in one gulp, gasping as it burned its way to his stomach. He made a face and looked at the empty glass as if it had personally assaulted him.  
  
"Why do people like this?"  
  
"Alexander! What's wrong?" Magnus moved closer, vanishing the glass with a snap, and cradling Alec's face in his hand, looking shocked.  
  
Alec flicked his eyes away and then finally stared at him, taking a breath to steady himself when he saw the concern in Magnus’ eyes. His mouth still burned and he ran his tongue against the inside of his cheek.  
  
"Do you want to tell me about what happened?”   
  
"Which part?" Alec asked ruefully.  
  
"You could always start with the part where you nearly threw yourself off my balcony."  
  
Alec sighed again and stood back, breaking their contact.  
  
"No thanks." He threw a hand up before Magnus could object.  
  
"I will. Just not. Right now. Please?"  
  
Magnus looked wary but closed his mouth with an audible snap and turned back to reshelve the book in his hand.  
  
Alec shrugged off his jacket and unbuttoned the cuffs of his shirt, reaching back to drag it over his head in one fell swoop.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm taking off my clothes. And then I'm getting in your bed. It's been a long..." Alec blinked. "Twenty three years," he concluded with another sigh as he kicked off his shoes and padded to Magnus' bedroom.  
  
Magnus trailed after him with narrowed eyes.  
  
"No, really, what's going on with you?"  
  
Alec didn't pause as he slid off his belt and undid his trousers, hanging them neatly over a chair before bending down to whip off his socks. He pulled back the covers of a bed he'd slept in once, like he'd been doing it for years.  
  
"My father's having an affair. My mother and brother were unspeakably rude to my boyfriend." He delivered each item like ticking off a list, keeping his eyes on the bed in front of him.

"My parabatai is now protecting his sister, who he kinda loves, while she tries to have a relationship with her best vampire friend. Your spell book was stolen. Valentine has the means to destroy every Downworlder in New York, which happens to include you and the thought makes me want to throw up. At the moment, the only thing in my life that's mildly normal is Izzy."

  
His gaze finally rose to meet Magnus'. "So yeah. Which one do you want to talk about first?"  
  
Magnus took a moment, simply watching Alec get under the covers, clearly planning his next words carefully. It made Alec feel like there was something delicious and warm that squirmed in his stomach to know he was worth the time it took for Magnus to think of the right words.  
  
"Alexander." His voice was kind as he finally sat on his own bed, leaning in to Alec. "We don't have to talk about any of them tonight, if you don't want. But don't feel angry on my account. Your mother and Max, I can handle. It's was mild, even, for Maryse. I think she was making an effort for you."  
  
Alec raised one eyebrow and Magnus shrugged.  
  
"She was. And Max was fine. He's a boy and he's been taught a lot of things that he might find out one day aren't necessarily true. I wasn't insulted. In any way."  
  
Alec twisted the sheets between his hands and looked down. "I'm so sorry he asked about your warlock mark."  
  
Magnus laughed and Alec looked up, eyes falling to the elegant column of his neck.  
  
"I've had much worse from people over the years." Alec could hear the unspoken 'shadowhunters' that ‘people’ referred to.  
  
"Still. He was rude. I'll talk to him about it."  
  
Alec rolled his lips together, wondering how - or if - he should ask his next question, and was concentrating so hard on how to phrase it he was startled when Magnus' covered his hands with his own.  
  
"Do you want to see them?" His voice was even so Alec couldn't read it and he wasn't going to look up right then to see if Magnus was offended. But he wasn’t going to lie.

"I. Yes. I mean. I kinda saw but they looked beautiful and I wanted to say something then but... I, um. Yes, please." He clammed up, face reddening, finally risking a peek at Magnus.  
  
Who looked back at him with golden eyes and a growing look of delight as Alec's face brightened with a smile that finally reached his eyes.  
  
"They really suit you," was the first thing he said because it was the first thing that came to mind and he immediately blushed. "Like. They're really nice. Pr-pretty. Lovely. I. Oh, stop me."  
  
Magnus laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "There, happy? I stopped you even though you were saying wonderful things. About me, which is my favourite kind of wonderful thing you say." He patted Alec’s hands as if the conversation were done.  
  
"Will you... Don't change back." Alec flushed darker.  
  
Magnus lifted his eyebrows, still grinning. "Oh my. Have we found a kink?"  
  
Alec looked horrified, raising himself up in protest. "No! No, I. They're you. The real you. That's all." His hand flailed in mid-air and his voice turned into a whine. " _Magnus_."  
  
"It's alright darling, I'm just teasing." He laughed and got up. Alec could tell he was flattered. "Now get comfortable. I'll get ready for bed."  
  
Humming, Magnus went to his vanity table and started taking off jewellery, glancing at Alec in the mirror every now and then with a pleased smile. Alec watched him back, burrowing deeper into the million pillows Magnus seemed to have on his bed, letting his eyelids go heavy. It felt comfortably domestic, watching Magnus get ready for bed. Like Magnus was letting him watch something sacred and just for him. Alec idly wondered how many people had got to watch Magnus do this, divest himself of a scarf and his shirt and the million rings he wore, and stopped himself before he went too far down that path. Enough for now that he was the one watching it tonight.  
  
When Magnus disappeared into his bathroom, Alec turned on to his side and hugged a pillow close.  
  
"Hey, Magnus? Can you turn into a cat too?"  
  
There was enough silence for Alec to wonder if Magnus had heard him before Magnus returned, completely make up free, and completely naked.  
  
"I can turn into a lot of things. Not inanimate objects though. Breathing things, with a mind, yes. I  _am_  the High Warlock, Alexander. It's safe to assume I can do most of what other warlocks can do, to a lesser or greater degree."  
  
He padded to the mirror again and fiddled with something on the table. "That's what makes my spell book so valuable. I suppose I'll have to find someone else to put up more wards for The Institute. Catarina, if I can find her. We can't have Valentine barging in any old time, can we?"  
  
Magnus turned and pulled back the covers to slide into bed and only then seemed to notice Alec's silence and hazy wide gaze.  
  
He blinked. "Oh. Angel, did you want me to wear something to bed?"  
  
Alec shook his head. "No!" he blurted and dragged Magnus closer to his warmth under the blankets, trying to stop the blush he knew was forming at the first touch of his hands on Magnus’ skin. "Nope, this is good. I'm good. You naked is good."  
  
Magnus smirked. "Very eloquent darling, but you got your point across." He clapped his hands and all the lights except the bedside lamp went out, throwing his face into soft shadow. His eyes gleamed in the glow of the lamp.  
  
Alec pressed against him. "Hey," he whispered, before finding Magnus' mouth briefly. "Can we not... worry about stuff? Just for a while. And go back to worrying later?"  
  
“Is this the Alexander Lightwood way of asking me to fool around? By turning it into something to do in between worrying?” 

Magnus grinned at him as Alec pushed at his shoulder in protest, and then Alec shrugged. 

“Yeah, kinda.” 

They both laughed into their next kiss, their legs entwining as Magnus pulled Alec closer still. He looked at Alec, tracing his lower lip with a perfectly manicured finger.  

“You have the most glorious smile, young Alexander. You could conquer worlds. Move mountains.”

“It got you to take your clothes off.”

“Oh, are we including that in the same category?”

“ _I_  do.”   

Magnus hummed, his eyes half-closing in satisfaction and rolled them both over so he was lying on top of Alec, pushing his palms to Alec’s wrists and pressing them up, back into the pillows. 

“Just for that, you get a special treat.”

He kissed him deeply before dipping his head to lick up the sweeping line of Alec’s Deflect rune and Alec made a noise he’d be embarrassed about except it felt too good to feel shame. He could feel the heat of Magnus’ smile on his skin before he did it again, sinking his teeth gently into the tendon, corded as Alec tipped his head back. 

“Fuck, Magnus.” Sometimes he wondered if Magnus used magic in bed to make Alec’s voice thicken so fast, and he reached one hand to touch Magnus’ hair and got confused when he found his hand pushed back. 

“Ah ah ah, angel. No touching. No yet. Just lie back for me. Because  _this_ ,” Magnus gestured at Alec’s chest, “needs me to not be distracted.”  

Alec rolled his eyes but did as he was asked, knowing it wasn’t worth arguing against Magnus’ fixation on his chest. 

Magnus leant down and delicately, watching for Alec's reaction, bit one of Alec’s nipples.

Alec gasped and his hips rose off the bed immediately, not expecting that at all, his cock filling rapidly in response. “I. _Oh_.”

Magnus purred and did it again, laving at Alec’s skin afterwards, pressing the heel of his hand against Alec’s hip to keep him flat on the bed. He ran his other hand down his chest, pulling his fingers through Alec’s chest hair. 

“Love this,” he murmured absent-mindedly, kissing over Alec’s collarbone and down his sternum, thumb roughing up and down his abs as his mouth followed its trail, sliding his leg between Alec’s so he could slide between them. His fingers scratched over Alec’s chest, catching his other nipple with his nail as he bit Alec’s stomach, anticipating Alec’s movements and going with them so Alec got no respite. Alec turned his face into the pillow to muffle his gasps, fully hard now, feeling how unfair it was that Magnus could undo him so easily, his fingers finding each other under the pillow and clasping together to keep himself from touching his boyfriend. 

His boyfriend who was steadily making his way down his stomach, his tongue dipping into his belly button, nosing and licking over the trail of hair that dipped under the waistband of his underwear. Alec stilled as he felt Magnus’ breath warm the cotton of his boxers and let out a slow groan when his mouth descended and mouthed over the length of him through the fabric. 

“Oh,  _fuck_ , Magnus, fuck.”

“Not quite, but an acceptable alternative.” He felt Magnus tug at the elastic. “Can I take these off, Alexander?”

Alec nodded, not moving his face from the pillow. “Yes, please. If. Yes.” He shut himself up before he babbled his way out of what he was going to assume was going to be his first blow job, and shuddered as he felt Magnus pull the cotton from his hips, his erection falling heavily against one hip.

“Oh,  _angel_ ,” Magnus hushed, and slithered down further, burying his nose in the thick thatch of hair revealed. Alec felt Magnus moan, humming into his skin, inhaling as he pressed his face to his thigh, his beard rasping against the grain of dark hair scattered across Alec's pale skin, turning to nuzzle at his balls.

“Fuck, you smell good.” 

Alec  _squeaked_  and buried his face further into the pillow, pulling it over his face to stop any more sounds emerging.

Which meant he could only feel Magnus run his lips up the length of his cock, his tongue flicking out to lick at the head, swiping over his slit until he wrapped his mouth around him and began to slide down slowly.

The pillow didn’t stop Alec’s moan from being very loud in the room, his hips lifting automatically, tension held in his thighs, but Magnus moved with him, one hand curled around his hip, the other curved around the base of his cock, holding him steady. Magnus sank down, setting a slow rhythm broken only by small cat curls of his tongue over his skin that set Alec’s nerves fizzing underneath his skin, quiet gasps falling from his lips, a secret only the silk pillowcase would know.

Magnus pulled off and Alec whined in protest. “I want to hear you,” he said softly. “Please, Alexander.”

Alec took a breath and pulled the pillow off his face, his arm flung out, inhaling deeply. “Yeah,” he said in a gravelly voice, and that was all the permission Magnus needed to start again, swirling his tongue along the underside of Alec’s cock before speeding up, Alec bucking and squirming as much as he was able.  

“Ah, ah, oh,” he managed, catching his lip between his teeth briefly before panting again. “Oh, oh,  _fuck_.” 

Magnus hummed, actually hummed, around his cock and Alec practically choked, fingers clenching in the sheets, rocking his hips arhythmically into the heat of Magnus’ mouth and he risked a look down and wished he hadn’t. Magnus’ eyes shining up at him through dark lashes and his mouth, stretched pink and obscene around his dick.

“Oh, fuck, god, Magnus, I’m. Fuck, soon, I’m.” Alec closed his eyes tight to stave off his orgasm for a few moments longer, feeling Magnus take him in fully, Magnus’ hand pushing up his body, skidding over his neck so Alec tipped his head back, feeling Magnus’ fingers smooth over his jaw until his thumb traced his mouth and Alec parted his lips without thinking, dipping his mouth to suck his thumb between his teeth with a moan. So much, too much to take in properly, could only act on instinct, the heated pressure around his cock more and more until it suddenly became too much, choking on his next intake of breath and pressing up, thighs taut as he came across Magnus’ tongue with a cry. He lost a few seconds, brightness bursting behind his eyelids, Magnus’ hand moving to cradle his jaw, panting raggedly into the soft golden light of the room, fingers tight in the fabric of the sheets.  

He heard Magnus swallow with a moan, felt him lick at Alec’s cock until he shivered, too sensitive to take any more. Magnus kissed at Alec’s hip and then sucked at the thin skin fiercely, in the groove under his hipbone until Alec was gasping again, finally releasing his fingers to stretch his arm down to tangle his hand in Magnus’ hair.  

Magnus rested his cheek on Alec’s hip and looked up at him, his pupils wide in his golden eyes, catching his breath. 

“Good?” he asked with a sly smile and Alec could only nod dumbly, tugging on the strands of his hair until Magnus pushed up on the heels of his hands and kissed him messily. Alec shivered at the taste of  _him_ leftover in Magnus’ mouth, earthy and sweet, and wrapped his leg around Magnus’ thigh to drag him down, rocking up to meet him, gratified when Magnus’ eyelashes fluttered with a whimper. 

“Magnus,” he managed brokenly against his lips and pushed his hand between them to wrap around his dick, feeling the heavy heat of it twitch in his palm, and Magnus whined, clicking his fingers so that his hand was slick with lube, and bucked into his hand. Alec changed his grip to stroke him, trying to remember how he liked it, his body protesting that he was moving at all, watching Magnus’ cock, flushed dark and thick, disappear and reappear in the curl of his hand .

“Want you,” he murmured, finally dragging his eyes away. “Please, Magnus.”

Magnus shuddered and sped up, his breath hitching with every inhale, holding Alec’s gaze, rolling his hips faster and faster.

Alec swiped his tongue over his teeth and the thought of what Magnus might taste like flashed in his head and he shuddered when he realised he didn’t have to just wonder, he could  _ask_  for that, if that’s what he wanted. He opened his mouth before his brain could talk him out of it.

“No, _wait_ , I,” and Magnus stilled immediately, his eyes flaring with anxiety. 

“Come in my mouth,” Alec explained in a rush. “I wanna taste you. Please. Give me that.”

Magnus fluttered his eyes closed for a moment and swore in a language Alec couldn’t hope to understand before pulling himself up and propping himself over Alec with one hand braced against the wall. He traced Alec’s mouth with his thumb again before gently pushing his jaw open and started to jerk himself off in short, sharp strokes. Alec moaned again and flicked out his tongue to swipe against the head of Magnus’ cock and then caught Magnus’ eye and curled his tongue to lick his lips before leaving his mouth open, waiting for him to come. Magnus shivered and bucked into his hand, once, twice, before stopping with a choked off version of Alec’s name, coating Alec’s tongue and spattering his mouth with heat until Magnus slid his cock between Alec’s eager lips with a whimper, his cock still pulsing weakly.

Alec swallowed quickly, not enjoying the texture but loving how it made Magnus look, his eyes blown wide and dark, looking at Alec with wonder as he gently sucked Magnus clean.

“Alexander,” Magnus exhaled and leaned back, watching his cock drop from Alec’s mouth and he brought his thumb up to his lips to catch the mess, breath catching in his throat when Alec took it back into his mouth to clean that as well. 

“Angel,” he warned. “A man can only withstand so much. Even a High Warlock.” 

“I just want to make you feel good.”

“Oh, you did that. More than good.” He wriggled down again and rearranged them so they could lie facing each other, making a face when Alec wiped his mouth on the nearest pillow. Another spritz of magic and the sheets were fresh under the both of them. 

“So much more than good,” Magnus repeated and kissed Alec against softly, his fingers buried in Alec’s hair. “It wasn’t too much for you?”

Alec shook his head, too exhausted to blush. “I loved it,” he said truthfully. “Really, Magnus. It was perfect.” He could still smell the scent of them in the air, musk and salt beginning to feel familiar. He wiped his hand over his mouth and chin and ran his tongue behind his upper lip to chase away the last vestiges of Magnus' taste. 

"I. Um. Will you teach me? How to. With my mouth."

Magnus' mouth curled into a smile as he propped himself up on one hand to look at him. "You want me to teach you how to suck me off." 

Alec made a strangled noise and nodded. "Yeah."

"You should probably feel comfortable with saying it first, you know."

He rolled his eyes, never one to back down from a challenge. "Fine. Magnus, please teach me how to give a blow job some time soon?"

He felt Magnus shake against him as he laughed.

"Of course, Alexander. We can try anything you want."

Alec's eyes widened at that, losing focus on Magnus' face as his mind raced.

"Er. You know I'm not even sure what there is to try, yeah?"

Magnus tried to hide another soft chuckle before schooling his features into his usual calm expression, but the corners of his mouth kept twitching.

“I have books. And I hear the internet is pretty popular with kids these days.”

Alec swatted his bicep.

“Mean,” he said without heat.

Magnus made a murmured noise of assent before kissing him again, gently pulling at his lower lip. The moment was broken by the yawn he then gave.

Magnus raised his eyebrows. “Oh, typical. Falling asleep on me already?” 

“Hey, I’ve had a tough day,” Alec protested and buried his face into the crook of Magnus’ neck, feeling him wrap around him like a warm cocoon, safe and protected. 

“Sleep now, Shadowhunter.” Magnus pressed a kiss to his temple. “You’re going to need your rest.”

Alec was too tired to argue. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus pulled back and held him at arm’s length, peering at him. “Darling…” he started then trailed off as if he didn’t know what came after. Alec took a deep breath and continued, hunching his shoulders unconsciously. 
> 
> “If you weren’t here, I’d be married. Or, you know, dead, from trying to track Jace. And now Valentine has a weapon that could kill you in the blink of an eye.” His voice trembled as his stomach rolled with the thought.
> 
> “And. I can’t lose you. Not when I’ve just found you. There’s too much, that I want, I want to know about you and do with you and the thought of not having you...” He roughly shook his head, casting his eyes downwards again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd by the amazing @OddieOdelia!
> 
> Magnus deals with the fallout of the party, makes a confession and Alec experiences something new in bed. Oh, and they finally talk about Jace.
> 
> Trigger warning for suicide attempts.

Alec woke up shivering, rolling to draw Magnus closer to him for warmth but his hand hit the empty mattress. He raised his head off the pillows. 

‘Magnus?” he whispered. There was no answer.

He groaned quietly and rolled out of bed, his hands finding his trousers in the dark, pulling them on, and he opened the bedroom door and peered out into the loft.

Everything was dark and quiet, but he knew Magnus wouldn’t have left him there alone.

He padded down the hall, listening for signs of life and caught sight of Magnus in his robe, out on the balcony, a glass of wine cradled against his chest. Alec pulled open the balcony door as silently as he could, noticing how Magnus’ posture stiffened at the noise. Otherwise he didn’t move.

“Hey,” he started softly, coming to stand next to him. “What are you…” Alec trailed off as he noticed Magnus’ face was wet, and he instinctively moved closer to wipe his cheek with the back of his hand before his brain caught up with the fact that his boyfriend was crying outside in the dark in the middle of the night, alone. 

“Magnus, what’s wrong?”

Magnus smiled a small, bitter smile.

“I’m sorry if I woke you. But I can’t stop thinking about it. What if I’d been slower? What if I’d been a few seconds too late?”

Alec furrowed his brow, trying to follow his train of thought.

He continued, oblivious. “What if something else had happened and I got distracted and I wasn’t there? And you,” Magnus’ voice cracked. “You would have been gone and I would never have been able to bring you back.”

Alec inhaled sharply with realization and screwed his eyes shut as if that could protect himself from the emotion etched on his boyfriend’s face.

“Magnus,” he started in a low voice, tugging on his robe to get him to turn to Alec. “Magnus, you did get there. You saved me. You  _saved_  me. I’m alright, I’m here.”

He gently guided Magnus back on to the seats and settled next to him, throwing an arm around him to keep them both warm.   

“I’m ok. I’m not going anywhere." 

“But you did.” Magnus finally looked at him with reddened eyes, his hand clutching at Alec’s knee. “You threw yourself off my balcony,  _my balcony_ , and I could have been late, I might not have been there in time, or been distracted, I could have been too late –“

Alec shook his head violently, trying to cut Magnus’ off, to stop his desperate tone of voice from making his own chest hurt any longer. 

“No, no, but you weren’t. I’m fine. Oh, Magnus,  _please_ , I’m  _fine_.”

Magnus stared at him. “But you might not have been.” His tone was like steel, every word sharp and clear.

“And the worst of it would be that they would have taken you away for a shadowhunter funeral and  _I wouldn’t be allowed in_. Do you have any idea…?” Magnus couldn’t finish that sentence, instead shuddering with more tears spilling down his cheeks and Alec simply wrapped himself around him, burying his horrified face in Magnus’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“Didn’t know how much it would have hurt me for you to die?” Magnus’ muffled voice still managed to sound incredulous.

“Well.” Alec frowned. “Yeah. No. I… I don’t know.” He blew out a long breath. “I don’t want to. Kill myself. I promise.”

“Your response when you heard someone blaming you for the death of a loved one was to fall fourteen stories,” Magnus replied dryly, sounding slightly more put together. Alec could feel him raise his hands and rub at his face.

“Yeah, but.” Alec pulled back and hung his head. “I don’t go around thinking about. That. Suicide. You don’t.” He made a frustrated noise. “You don’t have to hide the knives or worry I’m going to harm myself.”

Magnus tilted his chin up so he could look at Alec. “If you feel that way I want you to tell me. I want you to swear. If not me, then someone else. There’s not a Downworlder that hasn’t felt like that at some point. I need you to promise me that you would speak to someone.” 

Alec swallowed the lump in his throat, holding Magnus gaze and nodded. “I promise.” And then made a surprised huff when he was pulled into a fierce hug. 

“Have you. Have you ever felt that way?” Alec asked timidly after a minute, happy to be avoiding eye contact. He didn’t think he would have been able to ask that otherwise. 

He felt Magnus stiffen in his arms and waited to see if Magnus would answer him. 

Finally, he said, in a quiet voice, “Yes. Being immortal, it’s… it means losing people. And losing them again when you lose memories of them. A long time ago, I felt like falling.” He went silent, so Alec circled his back with his palm in unspoken support.

“It’s part of my and Camille’s history. She saved me. And I’ll always be grateful for that.”

Alec just squeezed him tighter. “Then I’m grateful to her too.” Magnus made a small sound of surprise. 

“I am. I mean, she’s terrible and gross and I really don’t get the appeal, but she was there for you and if she was the person that made you want to live, then I’m incredibly,  _stupidly_ grateful for her.”

Magnus pulled back and held him at arm’s length, peering at him. “Darling…” he started then trailed off as if he didn’t know what came after. Alec took a deep breath and continued, hunching his shoulders unconsciously. 

“If you weren’t here, I’d be married. Or, you know, dead, from trying to track Jace. And now Valentine has a weapon that could kill you in the blink of an eye.” His voice trembled as his stomach rolled with the thought.

“And. I can’t lose you. Not when I’ve just found you. There’s too much, that I want, I want to know about you and do with you and the thought of not having you...” He roughly shook his head, casting his eyes downwards again.

“So. I. This whole worried about dying thing, it goes both ways.” He hadn’t meant to say that much, hadn’t known that was such a big part of the anxiety that chewed away at his stomach, but now he’d said it, he felt so much better.

Magnus leaned forward and cupped Alec’s jaw in his hand, waiting patiently for Alec’s eyes to slide to his once more.

“I’m falling in love with you.” 

He didn’t wait for Alec to answer – which was good, because Alec’s mouth was hanging open and he was pretty sure he’d forgotten how to  _breathe_ let alone talk – instead rising smoothly to his feet and holding his hand out for Alec to take, pulling him up as well. As if what he’d said, in such calm words, hadn’t upended Alec’s whole world. 

Of course, Alec stumbled into him, clutching at Magnus’ arms to make sure he remained upright, still looking at Magnus with something akin to wonder, thrilled and terrified at the same time.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ voice became concerned. “Are you ok?”

“Yes,” Alec blurted, finally unsticking his tongue from the roof of his mouth. “Yes. I. Magnus. Really?”  

In answer, Magnus raised himself up on the balls of his feet and claimed Alec’s mouth fiercely, pooling heat somewhere low in Alec’s belly. One of his arms wrapped around Alec’s waist and tugged him flush to Magnus’ body as he started to walk backwards. Alec let him, trusting him to guide them both, kissing him back just as desperately, feeling the tell-tale crackle of magic in Magnus’ fingers as he made sure their path was clear. He bent to kiss Magnus’ neck, allowing the rasp of his stubble to scrape over his skin and felt Magnus shudder, hips snapping on reflex to grind against Alec’s thigh. He could feel Magnus hardening through their clothes and started to fumble at his trouser zip, latching on to Magnus' mouth again, the kiss turning sloppy as he tried to undress at the same time.

Magnus swore into the darkness and snapped his fingers with a spark of blue, banishing their clothes and pushed Alec back on the bed, pressing on top of him with naked hunger on his face. They moved in a mess of limbs, Magnus pulling Alec up into the middle of the bed, manhandling him with a new kind of roughness that twisted desire tighter in his stomach, making eager noises into Magnus mouth. Alec buried his hand in his hair as Magnus nipped down his neck, biting him with sharp teeth, and had just felt bold enough to slide his other hand low enough to grab Magnus’ ass when he was flipped. 

He stared down at Magnus and tried to catch his breath.

"Wait a moment." Magnus reached out and a tube appeared in his hand with a flash of blue, pulling both away from Alec to fiddle with it. Alec raised himself up on both hands as his boyfriend slid a warm and slick hand between them, a satisfied hum escaping as he felt Magnus touch him, sliding nimble fingers along his cock.

"Come back," Magnus whispered, tugging Alec down on top of him and arching up to meet him at the same time, catching Alec's gasp in his mouth as he rocked against Alec's length.

"Mmm, yes," he murmured and grasped Alec's hips tight, bucking under him again. "Just move, Alexander. Let it feel good. Don't hold back."

Alec had to dip his head to kiss him because of their height difference, hunching over slightly as he started to move, his body finding a rhythm on instinct, the brush of Magnus’ hand and cock and thigh working together to help each delicious slide of his dick. It felt overwhelmingly intimate in the dark, nothing but the sounds of slick skin moving together and each other’s quiet gasps for air when the need to breathe became more pressing than the need to keep kissing. Alec wriggled experimentally, grinding them together and exhaled a whine at the feeling, tilting his hips to find that angle again as Magnus bit his lower lip in response.  
  
Alec kept rocking into the heat of his body with deep shuddering rasps that got louder with every roll of Magnus' hips, not helped by the noises Magnus was making, broken groans and whimpers against his lips as he pushed one hand deep into Alec's hair, tugging in unison with his movements. Alec’s hips jerked sharply and sped up, becoming increasingly lost in the feeling of Magnus enveloping him, his world narrowing to the feeling of Magnus’ body, the smell of him, the sound of his breath and the taste of his mouth, just Magnus, Magnus, running through his head in time with every cant of his hips.

Magnus’ hand slipped to scratch down his ribs, trailing lower still and Alec’s body flamed hot as his fingers slid down between his ass cheeks, brushing closer and closer, fingertips feathering just behind his balls and dipping in to press, whispersoft, against his hole and Alec's vision went white, his entire body tensing in Magnus' arms as he came with a hoarse shout, loud in the darkness. He heard Magnus hiss, pulling his hips down, rutting against him with uncontrolled, wild thrusts of his hips until he shuddered with a soft sigh into Alec's shoulder and went still. 

Alec’s arms gave out and he crumpled on top of Magnus, trying to at least fall to one side to as not to hurt him. He turned his face so he wasn’t panting in Magnus’ ear and wasn’t surprised when Magnus followed to kiss him deeply, tongue sliding over Alec’s, his beard scraping loudly over Alec’s stubble.

“Did I get too carried away?” Magnus whispered, his worried eyes illuminated by his magic as he cleaned them both up without looking down.

Alec shook his head and opened his mouth to speak but erupted in a coughing fit instead, dislodging Magnus to sit up.

“No, shit, sorry.” His voice sounded weak.

Magnus pressed a bottle of water into his hand and he took a long, needed drink, offering the bottle to his boyfriend when he was finished, panting to get necessary breath into his lungs.

“Not, not carried away.”

“Even that last part?” Magnus’ voice held no judgment but Alec was surprised to find he could tell that he was anxious even so.

“Uh, yeah. That wasn’t. Um. It was new, but it wasn’t. Bad.” Alec shifted just thinking about it.

“Ok then,” Magnus said after a pause with a nod, and Alec could hear the smile in his voice. He fell silent then rolled off the bed with a groan, pulling back the covers. “I’m not ashamed to say you’ve exhausted me, Alexander. Even I need my beauty sleep, and all this exertion is terrible for the wrinkles.”

Alec rolled his eyes but wriggled into the bed as well, automatically rolling to face Magnus, just able to make out the profile of his face as he plumped a pillow and lay back.

“I feel I should point out that _that_ …” Alec trailed off.

“Sex step,” Magnus helpfully supplied, the words edged with laughter.

“…Was entirely your fault,” Alec continued, ignoring him with a haughty sniff. He was content to watch Magnus in silence, his eyes closing for longer and longer periods of time, before Magnus spoke again, low and contemplative, like he’d been thinking about something and had to say it.

"I love the way you come. Like it's always a surprise. Unexpected."  
  
It wasn’t what Alec was anticipating, but then very little about Magnus was. In the dark, he lifted one shoulder in a shrug.

"They've been a pretty rare thing in my life."  
  
He felt Magnus' head turn toward him.  
  
"Really? I wouldn’t have thought. Even the Clave can't ban that."  
  
Alec let out a short laugh. "No, just. I did sometimes. When there wasn't any other way to deal with it. But I, um. I tried not to. Because I thought - about men."  
  
Magnus' hand smoothed up Alec's arm as he rolled to face him, the warm gleam of his eyes just visible.  
  
"Because you thought about Jace," Magnus filled in, understanding.  
  
He sucked in a breath and nodded, his body not relaxed enough to prevent the usual guilty tension.   
  
"Yeah. Are you? Does that?" He couldn't bear to know if that disgusted Magnus.  
  
"No, angel. That isn't wrong - it wasn't wrong - and it certainly doesn't matter to me in any case."  
  
Alec's shoulders relaxed. "Thank you," he said in a small voice, and allowed them to lay in silence for a while. He could tell Magnus hadn't fallen asleep though, his fingers tracing mindless patterns over Alec's skin, his breathing still hitching every so often in a way that bloomed warmth in the pit of Alec's stomach.  
  
"Is that how you knew? About me, I mean. When. The memory demon." He hadn't known he needed to ask that until he'd opened his mouth.  
  
Magnus inched closer and gathered Alec fully in his arms, his face tucked into Alec's neck.  
  
"Hmm. Well. I don't know if I'd known. Hoped, yes. Your reaction to the demon helped, though. For all I knew, the only person you'd feel love for was Jace. But." Alec could feel his smile against his skin.  
  
“But?” Alec prompted. 

"You kept looking at me. And don't get me wrong, Alexander, most people look at me. I'm very distracting."  
  
Alec stifled a laugh. "So modest."  
  
Magnus went on, ignoring him.  
  
"But you kept looking when you didn't think I'd notice. Most people, when they look at me, they want me to notice. To look back. But you didn't want that. You just wanted to look at me."  
  
Alec pressed a kiss to his temple. "You looked back anyway," he said fondly.  
  
"Of course I did, have you seen you?" Magnus pinched him chidingly on his hip and Alec yelped.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Sorry darling." Magnus didn't sound contrite at all, but he went back to holding Alec without complaint.  
  
"Magnus?" He waited for Magnus to indicate he'd heard him.  
  
"How I feel. About you. It's better than how I felt about Jace. It's. More." He held his breath.  
  
Magnus raised his head and their eyes met in the darkness. Alec could feel Magnus' fingers brush against his jaw.  
  
"Thank you," Magnus said simply and kissed him, soft and gentle. "You are more for me too."


End file.
